I’ve discovered the new way men in relationships are secretly checking out other women, writes JANA HOCKING, but is it cheating?
- Jana dated a man who would like all her ‘hot’ friends’ Instagram thirst traps
- It left her jealous and frustrated and he was blatantly doing it publicly
- Now, men are making fake profiles (finstas) to perve in secret
- This, Jana says, is actually a better option
Earlier this year I was dating a guy who is known for having a wondering eye. As is always the case, I should have steered clear from the start because his red flag was his reputation.
But girlfriend likes a challenge **sigh** and so I let the heart and loins get carried away. I kept telling myself it was fine, I don’t even like him that much. It’s just a fun distraction.
That was until I kept seeing him like my numerous girlfriends’ Instagram pictures. Not just any girlfriends… my hot girlfriends. And not just any photos… their thirst traps. If there was a bikini shot you can be sure he liked it.
It wasn’t one or two, it was all of them. And it was driving me bonkers.
Annoyingly, I was trying to be the ‘cool girl’ who remains unbothered. I never said anything, but over time the knife seemed to keep digging a little deeper into my heart. *Sarah would post a bikini pic and BOOM within minutes ‘ol mate’ had liked it.
Turns out men are starting finstas (fake instas) to follow hot women on Instagram without their partner finding out, Jana Hocking says
I could feel the resentment build up and I really didn’t like who I was becoming. I found myself getting paranoid that he was going to try it on with one (or many) of them. I found myself getting annoyed whenever they put a gorgeous pic up – which is so unfair. My girls should be allowed to flaunt until they can flaunt no more.
Now full disclosure, I am aware I tend to get jealous and have been known to chose chaos over a healthy chat. But one day his actions reached a point of no return and it’s safe to say I really blew my top.
It all began on a night out when my girlfriends and I ran into him and his mates. We had partaken in a few cocktails beforehand and were all in good form.
One of my friends is this ridiculously attractive, outgoing girl who will chat to anyone – and we love her for it. So when we ran into my man-of-the-moment she gave him a warm welcome and we all had a good time.
READ MORE: I met my dream man… before he said one sentence that was such a ‘red flag’ even my guy friends told me to run
A week later he and I caught up for a fun date night. As we were warming up into the conversation he casually said ‘Oh I messaged your friend on Instagram the other night.’ Huh?
He said, ‘yeah she seemed really tipsy on your girls night out so I wanted to see how she pulled up the next day’. Once again may I repeat… huh?
Why? I said. We were with her, and she was clearly looked after.
I felt this chill come over me. Because we girls know that when a dude slides into our DMs to ask how our night was, there’s usually a motive.
I excused myself to go to the bathroom because I needed a second to process this information. While in the toot I logged onto my Instagram and went to her page. Sure enough, he had started following her and liked every picture she had put up over the past week.
I kept seeing the man I was dating like my numerous girlfriends’ Instagram pictures. Not just any girlfriends… my hot girlfriends. And not just any photos… their thirst traps. If there was a bikini shot you can be sure he liked it
Now here’s the annoying thing… technically he wasn’t cheating, but heck I think it’s safe to say he was acting thirsty towards her.
As I mentioned, I have a tendency to choose the path of chaos over maturity from time to time. So I walked back out, ordered a strong gin martini and decided to have it out with him.
Oh lord it was grim. He went deep into denial which only annoyed me more, and I started to feel like I was acting paranoid and questioning whether I was over-reacting.
The next day I was hungover and confused. I promptly made an appointment with my fabulously tough French therapist and decided to unpack it with her.
She listened to me vent and then gave me a warm reassuring smile and said ‘No I don’t think you’re being paranoid; I think you had a strong reaction to something that had been clearly bubbling under the surface for quite a while’.
She said in all her years of working as a therapist there nothing more common that causes conflict between couples than social media. Further explaining that every day she’s faced with women experiencing very similar dilemmas to what I was.
I expressed that what was messing with my brain the most was that he technically wasn’t cheating, but my gut said he was up to no good.
This sneaky tactic is allowing men to still have a cheeky peak at hotties while getting around the whole ‘nah I don’t even follow her on Instagram’ dilemma
She explained that sure, all men have eyes, and they are going to be attracted to other women – that’s just human nature. But there is a difference between simply looking at another woman, and publicly declaring that you are looking on a social outlet.
I left her office feeling relief. I wasn’t being paranoid, and yes, it is pretty dodgy that my dude kept liking my friends thirst traps.
Needless to say, the relationship didn’t work out (surprise surprise) and I’ve learnt to trust my gut instincts more.
But just this week I discovered a new way men are getting their cheeky perve on whilst managing to avoid upsetting their partners.
Yep, turns out men are starting finstas (fake instas) to follow hot women on Instagram without their partner finding out.
I discovered it after I had a bunch of clearly fake Instagram accounts following me and I couldn’t work out why.
It wasn’t until I took a deep dive into these accounts that I discovered they are all fake ones set up by men who clearly don’t want their partners seeing that they are following other women.
Here is an example of one of them. As you can see, they are using no profile picture, have barely any followers, and if you look at who they are following it seems to be all women!
Here is an example of one of them. As you can see, they are using no profile picture, have barely any followers, and if you look at who they are following it seems to be all women
This sneaky tactic is allowing men to still have a cheeky peak at hotties while getting around the whole ‘nah I don’t even follow her on Instagram’ dilemma.
Now I’m about to throw out a bit of a plot twist here… I don’t hate it.
You see, at least this way partners aren’t submitted to the pain of seeing their man thirst over other women… and no girl in her right mind is going to respond to a creepy dm from a clearly fake Instagram. So I’m thinking it’s actually doing no harm.
Just like men look at porn when we’re not at home (sorry ladies… it’s true.) I guess I don’t have a problem with them checking out hot chicks on Instagram. Just not publicly making a statement by doing so on their own real profiles.
Nevertheless, oh how I long for the caveman days when the only dramas we women faced was how to cook up the wildebeest our man had dragged back to the cave for dinner. Not which hottie our man is currently lusting after. Can we go back to those days?
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