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Kerry Washington has revealed she contemplated suicide as she struggled to cope with her eating disorder in college.<\/p>\n
The 46-year-old actress has candidly spoken about her past struggles in her upcoming memoir Thicker Than Water, recalling a period of time when she was consumed by binge eating and compulsive exercise.<\/p>\n
Speaking to Good Morning America in an interview set to air in full on September 24, she said: \u2018I was good at control. I could party all night and drink and smoke and have sex and still show up and have good grades.<\/p>\n
\u2018I knew how to manage. I was so high functioning\u2026 And the food took me out.<\/p>\n
\u2018Like, the body dysmorphia, the body hatred, it was beyond my control and really led me to feeling like I need help from somebody and something bigger than me or I am in trouble, because I don\u2019t know how to live with this.\u2019<\/p>\n
The Scandal star found herself not wanting \u2018to be here\u2019 because of the pain, and the situation \u2018scared\u2019 her.<\/p>\n
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Asked if she contemplated suicide, she added: \u2018Yeah. The behavior was tiny, little acts of trying to destroy myself.\u2019<\/p>\n
Now, she is in a much \u2018healthier\u2019 position when it comes to her relationship with food, and she noted \u2018there\u2019s no suicidal ideation\u2019.<\/p>\n
She explained: \u2018I mean, I wouldn\u2019t say that I\u2019d never act out with food. It\u2019s just very different now. It\u2019s not to the extreme. There\u2019s no suicidal ideation. That is not where I am anymore.\u2019<\/p>\n
The Little Fires Everywhere star has opened up about her battle with an eating disorder in the past, having described food as her \u2018best friend\u2019 and something she used \u2018as a way to cope\u2019.<\/p>\n
Speaking to Essence in 2009, she said: \u2018I\u2019d eat anything and everything, sometimes until I passed out.<\/p>\n
\u2018But then, because I had this personality that was driven toward perfectionism, I would tell people I was at the library, but instead go to the gym and exercise for hours and hours and hours.<\/p>\n
\u2018Keeping my behavior a secret was painful and isolating. There was a lot of guilt and a lot of shame.\u2019<\/p>\n