{"id":82608,"date":"2023-08-26T13:56:53","date_gmt":"2023-08-26T13:56:53","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/mylifestylemax.com\/?p=82608"},"modified":"2023-08-26T13:56:53","modified_gmt":"2023-08-26T13:56:53","slug":"liz-joness-diary-in-which-i-long-for-london","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/mylifestylemax.com\/lifestyle\/liz-joness-diary-in-which-i-long-for-london\/","title":{"rendered":"LIZ JONES'S DIARY: In which I long for London"},"content":{"rendered":"
Why are men so monosyllabic? And jealous?<\/p>\n
I texted David 1.0. I said I\u2019m in the land of indecision. I can\u2019t decide on dinner, let alone a car. And I can\u2019t make up my mind whether to buy up here in the Dales, or a flat in London.<\/p>\n
At first he was helpful. \u2018If the cottage you are renting next to the horses is secure, then moving in the same locale makes no sense to me. London is your spiritual home. London trumps all as an investment. And I might get to see more of you. But then so would the Scot.\u2019<\/p>\n
I am trying not to make another mistake, yet the green-eyed monster rears its ugly head. Just be helpful!<\/p>\n
My problem is this. If I move from the cottage, it\u2019s hard to look after the horses. I walk round to see them six, seven times a day, and that is with employing an assistant (Nic) full time. I would have to put the dogs in the car, but\u2026<\/p>\n
A) I don\u2019t own one. I can\u2019t decide which car to buy.<\/p>\n
B) Teddy is big and refuses to get in a car. Once, he sat in the driver\u2019s seat while I was getting petrol and wouldn\u2019t move, so\u00a0I had to go back into the petrol station and buy him a sausage roll. And I\u2019m vegan.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
I feel normal there. Clean, at least. But who will look after the horses?<\/p>\n
If I buy a flat in London, I can\u2019t take my dogs. I took Missy to London once, for an interview on BBC Radio. As we entered Broadcasting House, she was almost decapitated by a revolving door.\u00a0<\/p>\n
Which means that as well as employing Nic, I have to hire a dog sitter at over \u00a350 a night just to sleep with them. I also hate having anyone in my cottage, as I have severe OCD.\u00a0<\/p>\n
I worry they will put water on my work surface.<\/p>\n
I feel trapped by the horses and the dogs. On my mini Mini break in Devon next week, I can only take Mini, as Missy and Teddy are too difficult.<\/p>\n
Which, again, will mean employing two people to look after them.<\/p>\n
I sat down with Nic at my kitchen table to write a list of pros and cons. The first thing Nic wrote down was, \u2018It\u2019s London.\u2019\u00a0<\/p>\n
London came out overwhelmingly on top. I will feel normal. Clean, at least. I can see my friends. I can do a day\u2019s work and not face a 500-mile round trip. It\u2019s home.<\/p>\n
I find a flat in Pimlico with a balcony. It includes all the furniture, which is great, because I don\u2019t have any. My desk is still in storage as it\u2019s too big for the cottage.<\/p>\n
You see. The thing is this: I am not the problem. OK, I might be enlisted on a 30-session course of EMDR therapy, which helps people recover from trauma.<\/p>\n
I might be shy and nervous. But I am where I am because others have preyed on me. A few weeks ago I saw a psychiatrist, who reduced me to tears.\u00a0<\/p>\n
He said I am a beautiful person and am doing a beautiful thing by rescuing dogs and horses.\u00a0<\/p>\n
That I am talented. I\u2019m so angry and bitter that I am where I am because none of it was my fault.<\/p>\n
I\u2019m exactly like my mum.<\/p>\n
I would turn up at her house with artisan bread, fresh peas, flowers, and at the end of my visit she would thrust it all back into my hands. \u2018You take it, dear.\u2019 Whenever I get anything,\u00a0I want to give it away.\u00a0<\/p>\n
I\u2019m already thinking, if I get the Pimlico flat, maybe I could rescue David?<\/p>\n
Anyway, I ask him to view it with me. All I get in response is, \u2018OK.\u2019 Not, \u2018Great! Shall I book a table for dinner after?\u2019\u00a0<\/p>\n
Instead, he tells me he has seen the movie based on Philip Green.\u00a0<\/p>\n
I tell him I always made sure, front row, I never had my photo taken with him. And that I have seen Oppenheimer.<\/p>\n
Him: \u2018Any good?\u2019<\/p>\n
Me: \u2018It\u2019s long. Like your d**k.\u2019<\/p>\n
He texts back: \u2018Forward!\u2019 I think we are back on.<\/p>\n