What do you call a blind reindeer? What does Santa do with fat elves? And what did Adam say the day before Christmas?
Read on for the punch lines, and see if you can make it to the end without laughing.
e’re guessing you can).
But funny or not, you’d be crackers to miss some of these hilariously bad howlers.
Here are the 40 best (or maybe that should read worst) Christmas cracker jokes.
Top 40 Christmas cracker jokes
1. What do you call a line of men waiting for a haircut?
2. Why was the turkey in the pop group?
Because he was the only one with drumsticks!
3. What do you call a boomerang that does not come back?
4. What do snowmen wear on their heads?
(Kieran ‘K’ Cope)
5. Why was the snowman looking through the carrots?
He was picking his nose
6. Two snowmen were standing in a field. One said, "Can you smell carrots?"
(Pete Potty Mumford)
7. A man walks into a bar ….ouch
8. What did Adam say the day before Christmas?
"It’s Christmas Eve"
9. What does Santa do with fat elves?
He sends them to an Elf Farm
10. What did Santa do when he went speed dating?
He pulled a cracker
11. What did Cinderella say when her photos didn’t arrive on time?
One day my prints will come
12. When do vampires like racing?
When it’s neck and neck
13. What’s a dog’s favourite carol?
Bark, the herald angels sing
14. What does Miley Cyrus have for her Christmas dinner?
History of Christmas
15. What do snowmen have for breakfast?
16. What does Father Christmas do when his elves misbehave?
He gives them the sack
17. What do you give a dog for Christmas?
A mobile bone
18. Why did the pony have to gargle?
Because it was a little horse
19. Why are Christmas trees very bad at knitting?
Because they always drop their needles
20. What is good King Wenceslas favourite pizza?
One that’s deep-pan, crisp and even
21. What do Santa’s little helpers learn at school?
22. What’s a horse’s favourite TV show?
23. What do you call a train loaded with toffee?
A chew chew train
24. Why couldn’t the skeleton go to the Christmas party?
He had no body to go with
25. Why did no-one bid for Rudolph and Blitzen on eBay?
Because they were two deer
26. What happened to the man who stole an advent calendar?
He got 25 days
27. How do snowmen get around?
By riding an ‘icicle
28. How did Mary and Joseph know that Jesus was 7lb 6oz when he was born?
They had a weigh in a manger
29. Who hides in the bakery at Christmas?
A mince spy
30. What is the best Christmas present?
A broken drum, you can’t beat it!
31. What do you call a woman who stands between two goal posts?
32. What has four legs but can’t walk?
33. What goes "Oh, Oh, Oh"?
Santa walking backwards
34. Why did Santa have to go to the hospital?
Because of his poor elf
35. What do frogs wear on their feet?
Open toad sandles
36. Why are pirates called pirates?
Because they arrrrrrr!
37. What do you call a blind reindeer?
No eye deer
38. What’s round and bad tempered?
A vicious circle
39. How do you know if Santa’s been in your garden shed?
You’ve got three extra hoes
40. What’s yellow and dangerous?
Got a better one? Let us know in the comments below.
Source: Read Full Article