My wife told me she had genital herpes on our wedding night

DEAR DEIDRE: I CAN’T help but feel like I have made a big mistake ever since I found out my wife has herpes.

We have only been married for eight months. I’m a man of 27 and she is 25.


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It was a whirlwind romance after we met on a training course at work.

I noticed her as soon as she walked into the conference room and I wasn’t the only one giving her approving looks.

Throughout the day, we kept glancing at each other and I couldn’t keep my eyes off her.

That evening I asked her out and one date led to another.

I was apprehensive because I was a virgin — and after a couple of weeks confessed I was inexperienced.

She said: “Don’t worry. I’ve only been with one or two people.”

We started off slow and the sex was good. She showed me how to please her and certainly knew how to make me feel good.

I asked her to marry me and we tied the knot last October. It was a wonderful day.

Initially she told me she had only “got it on” with a couple of guys but one evening she alluded to having had more partners.

I finally got the count out of her as she giggled, saying “It’s actually nearer 20.”

Now she’s told me she has genital herpes. She has the occasional cold sore so when there is a flare-up, she tells me not to kiss her.

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Did she have this before we met or has she cheated on me?

Or could she get it through her cold sore? I’m scared now and don’t know what to believe.

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DEIDRE SAYS: What your wife did before she met you is her history, which everyone is entitled to.

To strengthen your relationship, focus on your future together.

But explain she needs to be honest with you, to build trust between you both.

And don’t panic. Seventy per cent of the population, by the age of 25, will have had one type of herpes.

It can lie dormant and flare up at any time. So your wife may well not have cheated.

She might have caught genital herpes by having oral sex with somebody who had a cold sore but the virus can remain symptomless for a lot of people.

If your wife has an outbreak of genital herpes, you should not have sex until it has cleared up.

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She may want to get some antiviral medication from her GP.

For the facts, check out the Herpes Viruses Association (herpes.org.uk, 0845 123 2305).

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