My mother-in-law is buying toys for children we're never having

My nightmare mother-in-law is buying toys for children we’re never going to have – she’s desperate to become a grandmother and my husband won’t confront her

  • The woman says her husband can’t bring himself to tell his mother their plans 
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A woman has hit out at her nightmare mother-in-law for buying toys for her future grandchildren – even though she’s not planning on having children.

Earlier this week, the anonymous woman, thought to be from the UK, explained on Reddit’s ‘Just No MIL’ forum how her and her partner haven’t even been married for a year yet.

Describing how she is ‘constantly in their business’, the woman explained: ‘I am a very patient person and try my hardest not to hurt her feelings or make her feel left out. 

‘However, she treats me horribly, is an abusive narcissist who is always throwing tantrums or crying to get her way, and generally speaking is just awful.’ 

Despite the fact that they are still newlyweds, the woman says she’s facing increasing pressure from her mother-in-law to start a family.

The anonymous Reddit user says her husband can’t bring himself to tell his mother their plans. Stock photo

The woman continued: ‘She has started really pushing for us to give her her first grandchild. 

‘She constantly is talking about it to my husband and making comments to him.’

Luckily for the woman, she has been spared the worst of the comments from his mother – as she mostly directs them towards her son.

However, the wife says the weight of her mother-in-law’s expectation is really starting to affect her – especially as women in her family have had complicated experiences of pregnancy and childbirth.

She wrote: ‘I have a family history of terrible complications with pregnancy so my husband and I weren’t really planning on having kids. 

‘It’s not something we actively wanted and the health issues are terrifying. Yet, [my mother-in-law] continues to push.’

Last week, the woman’s husband travelled a few hours to visit his mother at her home – only to find she’d started buying items for her future grandchildren. 

She said: ‘My husband informed me that my MIL has started to purchase books and toys for these children she wants us to have… She is making a stock pile for them.

As the woman tries her best to ‘avoid contact’ with her mother-in-law, she was hoping that her husband would inform her of their current decision not to have a family. 

She explained: ‘[He is] too scared to tell her because he knows it will be an emotional battle. 

‘I just don’t know if I should step in and explain the situation so she stops or if it will just make our relationship worse.’

What’s more, the woman went on to say that her husband is now refusing to confront his mother as she has previously relied on ‘manipulation tactics’ to get her way.

She ended the post by saying: ‘She also doesn’t have a lot of money so I feel bad seeing her spend money that she could use on her health or her home on hypothetical children.’

The post sparked lively debate among forum members – with some arguing that she should confront her husband about his mother’s behaviour.

One argued: ‘You don’t have a mother-in-law problem; you have a husband problem. It’s time for some boundaries. Set up exactly how many times you need to see your MIL a year for your husband to be ok with it. 

The woman’s dilemma sparked lively debate among Reddit users – but the majority agreed that it was her husband’s place to inform his mother about their decision not to have children

‘2? 3? Make these meetings in public spaces and drive separately from your husband. The minute she is rude, ignores you or oversteps get up say, “it’s been lovely but I have to be leaving” and walk out. 

Another added: ‘Totally out of your circle of control. Do yourself an Elsa favour and let it goooooooo

‘But seriously. Tell husband you don’t need to know this information. What he wants to chat to mummy about is his problem. You don’t need to have a relationship with her. And you don’t need to hear about the visit at all.’

‘Her assumptions and expectations are not your responsibility,’ a third said. ‘It is in him to say, “Mom stop wasting your money. We are not having kids.”‘

Following on from this, a fourth said: ‘You should not explain your reasoning for not having children to her. Doing so would surely strengthen her mistaken belief that it is somehow her business whether or why you choose to have children or not.’ 

‘Children aren’t just playthings, and your MIL needs to realise that,’ a fifth said. ‘We are talking about a human life here. You should only have kids if you really want them. I always wanted to be a mother, but it’s not for everyone, and it changes your way of life in ways that some might find unacceptable.’

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