DEAR DEIDRE: MY ex denies that we’re a couple again – yet we sleep together every time we see each other.
She says she’s never coming back to me. I’m so confused.
I am 34 and she is 30. We have a six-year-old son and were together for eight years until last spring.
That’s when she found out I had got drunk and had a one-night stand with a girl at work.
She told me it was over and threw me out.
However much I begged, she said she wouldn’t give me a second chance.
But she agreed that I was a good dad and would still be able to see our son regularly.
Once I’d got settled into my own place up the road, he started to stay with me three nights a week.
She was frosty at first but after a few weeks, when I dropped him back, she invited me in for a coffee.
We ended up reminiscing and all the old feelings returned.
Before I knew it, we were having sex. Afterwards, she said it could never happen again.
But it has kept happening — and it’s not me driving it, it’s her. Every time I see her, we end up in bed.
The sex is out of this world but it isn’t just physical. We have a laugh and can talk too.
We are so good together. And it makes my boy so happy to see me there in the mornings.
So, I don’t understand why she says we can’t be a proper family again.
When I suggest giving our relationship another go, she says she can’t because her friends and family have told her I’m bad news.
She feels she can’t trust me and won’t risk being hurt again.
We both miss each other, so it feels like she’s cutting off her nose to spite her face.
Or is she just using me for sex, or nostalgia?
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It’s messing with my head and I don’t know what to do.
I think that if I stay in her life, maybe one day she’ll take me back.
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DEIDRE SAYS: She clearly still has strong feelings for you but she is confused, too.
Instead of falling into bed next time you take your son back, you need to sit and talk to her calmly.
First, you need to be honest with yourself about why you cheated, so you can be certain it will never happen again.
Getting drunk is not a good enough excuse. If there were problems, you need to fix them.
Take sex off the agenda, and show your commitment by suggesting you have relationship counselling together to help you work through what happened.
Find support through Tavistock Relationships (020 7380 1960, tavistockrelationships.org).
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My support pack on Counselling will tell you more about this.
Make it clear you want to bring up your son in a strong family unit and won’t do anything to hurt him again.
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