Mum criticised for her ‘unpopular parenting style’ feels ‘judged’

The woman, who wished to remain anonymous, explained that she has an eight-month-old and she is currently “trying to find my way as a mum a bit”. She was concerned that her parenting instincts are “somewhat unpopular and untrendy at the moment” as some friends and family have previously mentioned to her.

She admitted that she allows her baby “to grizzle/not rushing to her when she cries unless obviously distressed”.

The mother also encourages her daughter “to play by herself” and now that they are starting to socialise, the baby “is a little more clingy and grizzly encountering new people”.

“I feel like I’m alone here,” she said and added: “Everyone in my mother’s group is quite responsive to their babies.

“They rush to them the moment they cry and I have felt a little judgement for my style”.

She explained that one person asked her “Do you often let her cry like that” and others wonder “If she could possibly be hungry”.

Her post was inundated with comments from other mothers with divided opinions. One with username @yarnover opined that eight months “is a tad young for self-soothing and playing by herself”.

“I’m not surprised people comment. I wouldn’t comment as I’d never be bold enough, but I would be judging you in my head,” she admitted.

The woman added that she probably knows “this might not be the best way to go”.

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“Because if you thought you were truly doing the right thing you wouldn’t have posted looking for people to tell you that you’re right,” she said.

Another woman with the username @alicew89 shared her opinion and said that the vast majority of parents want the best for their babies and channel that by “doing what they genuinely feel is the right thing”.

This includes “how they respond to grizzling or crying”. She added that while nobody has ever proven what the “right thing” is, as long as “you can justify your parenting style to yourself, you are doing fine”.

A woman named Nina, agreed and said that she is “probably onto a losing battle looking for external validation of your parenting style”.

Another mother explained that she experienced a similar situation as she has two kids and “parented them at this age completely differently”.

She recommended not to listen to anyone else as “the only thing that matters at this age is love”.

One Mumsnet forum user opined that she should ignore the other mums: “If you feel judged by the other mums, don’t hang out with them. Life’s too short!”

It can sometimes be difficult to find parenting guidance, so the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention shared some positive parenting tips including:

  • Talk to your baby.
  • Answer when your baby makes sounds by repeating the sounds and adding words.
  • Read to your baby.
  • Sing to your baby and play music.
  • Praise your baby and give her lots of loving attention.
  • Spend time cuddling and holding your baby.
  • Play with your baby when she’s alert and relaxed.
  • Distract your baby with toys and move him to safe areas when he starts moving and touching things that he shouldn’t touch.
  • Take care of yourself physically, mentally, and emotionally.

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