I'm happy my wife had sex with another man as I fantasised about it but now says she doesn't want to do it again

I am 36, my wife is 34. We have been together since our teens and have boys aged seven and five.

I have always been the one in our relationship who has been into kinkier things and have always suggested new things such as bondage, toys and role play.

That was OK as far as it went but only made me want more.

After a bit of persuasion she went out on a date night with a guy I helped her find online.

They met in a bar and went for dinner. My wife was dressed up to the nines and looked so hot. She didn’t do anything more with this guy but said she could easily have.

To try to get her more into the swing of things I asked my mother-in-law to babysit and took my wife to a swingers’ club locally. It was a great experience for me but my wife insisted we just watch.

Some time later, at my suggestion, she asked a single, younger guy from her work to come round for a drink. He’s 27. I got the conversation round to a threesome.

They were both reluctant at first but I persuaded them it would be a harmless, fun night — so it’s supposed to be happening soon.

But they went out for a drink after work together last week and she’s told me that talking about the threesome made them feel aroused and they ended up having sex at his flat before she came home. She now says she regrets it and isn’t even sure about the threesome now.

I would never get jealous but I worry she would regret it and feel I pressured her into it.


My leaflet on Young Weight Worries explains.

But there is a lot they – and their partner – can do. My e-leaflet Reviving A Man’s Sex Drive explains.

For a copy email [email protected] or private message me on my DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page.

DEIDRE SAYS: She may well do –  and you’re playing with fire here. You risk losing your relationship, your marriage and your sons’ stable home.

The trouble with involving other people in your sex life is that they can’t be controlled like fantasies. Feelings take on a life of their own.

My e-leaflet Sexual Fantasies And You explains the many pitfalls.

Try to understand why you yearn for what most men would find humiliating. Talk it over with a sex therapist before you risk your marriage further.

Contact the College of Sexual and Relationship Therapists (cosrt.org.uk, 020 8543 2707).

Tell your wife you’ve had a change of heart, that you love and value her too much to want to share her, and believe it is important that you are able to trust one another. But you can keep up the sexual energy at home together – using the suggestions in my e-leaflet 50 Ways To Add Fun To Sex.

READ TODAY'S DEAR DEIDRE I make all the right noises during sex but I just want it to end

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