DEAR DEIDRE: I HAD sex with a couple of women at a swinging party.
I’d always believed I was gay but now I wonder if I’m straight after all.
I’m a guy of 35 and I’ve been out since my late teens. My partner and I have been together for almost five years. We are very happy and settled together.
We’ve always had a good sex life but everything felt a bit flat in the first lockdown — maybe because we were both working from home and had non-existent social lives.
A couple we know decided to celebrate the end of lockdown with a swinging party where everyone, gay and straight, “could let their hair and their inhibitions down”.
We knew it was breaking the rules on social distancing but we were prepared to take the risk.
It felt very awkward at first but after a few drinks the nerves subsided.
There was a woman who caught my eye and I went over to chat to her.
She was around my age and very sexy. I found myself getting aroused. After she made a move on me, we ended up having sex — and it was amazing.
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I wanted more. She introduced me to a friend who joined us in a threesome.
It was very raunchy and different from anything I’d experienced with my partner.
I loved it and can’t seem to get that night out of my head. Since then I have found myself glancing at women and imagining them in a sexual way.
I was so certain of my sexuality but now I am beginning to doubt myself.
When my partner wants sex I can hardly get aroused — and when I do, I have to think of him as a woman.
My partner is back in the workplace now and I’ve been looking at straight porn while he’s out.
I don’t know what to do. I love him and don’t want to hurt him. My feelings are so confused.
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DEIDRE SAYS: Firstly, the swinging party took huge risks with everyone’s health. You could have spread the virus as well as sexual infections.
Very few of us are 100 per cent straight or 100 per cent gay. Our sexuality is a complex mix.
Plus, you were probably hyped up and extra-aware sexually at the party. I doubt it took much to turn you on.
That one-off experience doesn’t mean your sexual orientation has changed, though you have clearly discovered an attraction you weren’t aware of before.
Just remember that porn pushes boundaries and is often nothing like real-life sex with a woman.
You have been enjoying a good relationship with your partner. Think carefully before you throw that away.
It would help to talk this through with a counsellor. My e-leaflet on Bisexual Issues explains more.
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