When vague dating app bios and sparsely-answered profile prompts leave your match a mystery (beyond their cute, beaming face, of course), you might want to have some questions to ask your match about what they’re looking for on hand. Half of your motivation might be satisfying your curiosity. Your match might seem interesting, but it’s OK to want to expand on that potential a little bit. Are they as quippy as their dating profile? Are they really that cool?
The other half of your motivation may be to understand just where this digital flirtationship is going. Yes, a solid way to test your chemistry IRL and your couple compatibility is to go on a date. But before you even make plans at your favorite bar, park, or museum, you can try to gauge if the other person is looking for same type of relationship you are.
Stef Safran, a dating expert and matchmaker, previously told Elite Daily, "I think most people want a committed relationship in the long run, but sometimes you want to see what else is out there. Conversation is key, and you need to discuss what your needs are in the relationship."
The same way you have your wants, needs, and dating deal-breakers in a relationship, the other person probably does, too. So, it can be helpful to ask them about their tastes, goals, and romantic and sexual desires. Here are 23 questions to ask your match (before you even have your first date) that can help you figure out if you’re on the same page about what you’re looking for in a relationship.
Questions To Check If You Vibe Together
You and your match just might click, even from your opening conversation. Other times, it might take a handful of conversations to feel like you’re on the right track. Some questions you can ask to get the ball rolling include:
1. What’s your sense of humor like? And are you looking for someone who shares your sense of humor?
2. What’s your dream bae-cation?
3. Do you believe in astrology? What’s your sign?
4. What kind of music do you like and what’s your ideal concert experience?
A sign you and your match might be compatible is when, “for reasons you may not be able to articulate, you feel a strong sense of ease," relationship expert Susan Winter previously told Elite Daily. "Something in their vibe, demeanor, and attitude allows you to take a breath and present the best version of yourself.” If you feel pleased and satisfied with your match’s responses (instead of turned off or stressed), there’s a chance your match is feeling the same way, too.
Questions About Their Interests & Hobbies
Chances are, if you don’t enjoy boring interactions with someone over dating apps or via text, you won’t enjoy boring activities or conversations with them IRL, either. Some dating questions you can ask your match to see you two are a good fit in this area include:
5. What do you like to do with your friends?
6. What is your ideal date activity?
7. What are your hobbies?
8. What were your favorite subjects in school?
Sure, it’s generally useful to know the other person’s tastes when it comes to food, drinks, and activities, but these questions can give you an idea about your compatibility and what dating them would be like.
Meredith Davis, The League’s Head of Communications, recommended asking a question that you might have written off in the past as small talk:
9. What did you get up to this weekend?
The answer can be very telling. For example, maybe you typically spend your weekends cozied up in bed with wine and a good book, and that sounds like a waste of good weather to your match. Or maybe they spend their weekends tailgating and bar-crawling, when you’d rather die than brave loud crowds in the name of sports. “The next time your match messages you with this question, rather than roll your eyes, try answering as thoroughly as you can!” Davis previously told Elite Daily.
Questions About Your Schedules
When you’re juggling school, work, family, and social obligations, half the battle of dating is finding time to meet your match IRL. Apart from smoothing out kinks in your schedules, you can ask them questions like:
10. How often do you want to see someone you’re dating?
11. How often would you prefer someone to sleep over? Or would you like to sleep over at the other person’s place?
12. Do you prefer weeknight dates or weekend dates?
13. How often do you prefer to communicate?
Some aspects of dating compatibility that are often overlooked are preferences when it comes to schedules, routines, and communication. Getting answers to these Q’s might help you decide if you and bae are on the same page.
Questions About Their Priorities & How You’d Fit Into Them
Questions about your match’s life and dating priorities can help you understand whether or not you, as their potential partner, would fit into them. Try some along the lines of:
14. How important is family to you?
15. How important are your friends to you?
16. Are romantic gestures important to you?
17. What are you looking to get out of dating apps?
18. What about my profile caught your interest?
19. What are your dating deal-breakers?
20. Do you see yourself getting married or starting a family at some point in the future?
Asking these questions can eliminate a lot of miscommunication and potential B.S. when figuring out if you and your match would be good partners for each other. Knowing that not every match is looking for what you’re looking for can make the idea of getting on dating apps nerve-wracking. But there is a pretty solid way to find out what your match is looking for in a partner and if they could find those needs met by you. All you have to do is ask.
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