Stephen Colbert Wonders Why Michael Cohen Is Feeling So Helpful

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Cohen’s Gamble

Stephen Colbert wants to know why Michael Cohen, President Trump’s former lawyer, is such an open book all of a sudden. Cohen has owned up to a number of serious crimes in his testimony to Robert Mueller, the special counsel — despite never having received a guarantee that he’d get clemency when he is sentenced.

It’s a move that has left some analysts scratching their heads.

“Cohen, in fact, pleaded guilty ‘without first obtaining a traditional, ironclad deal under which the government would commit to seeking leniency.’ Well played, player! ‘O.K., I’m putting my cards on the table. As you can see, I got nothing, and I’m betting it all!’” — STEPHEN COLBERT, quoting from a report in The New York Times

“Reportedly, Cohen wanted to speed up the legal process in part because he ‘has concluded that his life has been utterly destroyed by his relationship with Mr. Trump.’ To which Melania replied, ‘Get in line.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT

Seth Meyers joked that, as a late-night TV host forced to cover the continuing saga of Trump’s presidency, he feels a kind of solidarity with Cohen.

“Sources told The New York Times that President Trump’s ex-lawyer Michael Cohen feels his life has been destroyed by his relationship with President Trump. Oh, man, I feel the same way. When we started ‘Late Night,’ it was supposed to be a cooking show.” — SETH MEYERS

‘Brace Yourselves’

You probably don’t want to know how filthy your cellphone is. James Corden certainly wasn’t happy to find out.

“According to a recent study, the average cellphone is nearly seven times dirtier than — brace yourselves — a toilet. Yeah, it’s true. Although there’s an easy solution: Just rinse off your phone in the toilet.” — JAMES CORDEN

“What exactly am I supposed to do with this information? What do you want me to do — stop using my phone or stop cleaning my toilet?” — JAMES CORDEN

The Punchiest Punchlines (Beto Edition)

“Amtrak is looking for people to ride their trains and post about it on social media with the hashtag #takemethere. It’s better than Greyhound’s hashtag, #astrangerissleepingonmeandthedriverisgone.” — JIMMY FALLON

“A new poll found that the top three Democratic contenders for president in 2020 are Joe Biden, Bernie Sanders and Beto O’Rourke. Biden’s got the best experience, Bernie’s got the best fund-raising, and Beto’s got the best chance of being alive in 2020.” — JIMMY FALLON

“Will they or won’t they? This is the Ross and Rachel of me finding out what happens to Ross and Rachel.” — STEPHEN COLBERT, frustrated by Netflix’s waffling on whether “Friends” will continue to be available on the streaming platform (it will — for now)

The Bits Worth Watching

A wholesome holiday tradition, gone wrong.

Amber Ruffin is not mad at the guy secretly eating dog treats on national TV.

What We’re Excited About on Wednesday Night

Andy Cohen, host of “Watch What Happens Live” on Bravo, and CNN’s Anderson Cooper are two great interviewers with very different styles. These two men’s personalities are different in most ways, in fact — but they’re good friends, and they’re in the midst of a national tour together. They’ll sit down with Jimmy Fallon together on Wednesday.

Also, Check This Out

Here’s a list of the best TV shows of the year, according to our critics.

Plus, Ideas for What to Watch Tonight:

The 100 Best Movies on Netflix Right Now

Stream These Dark Political Thrillers

Non-Depressing Documentaries on Netflix

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