First things first. Drink responsibly.
Secondly, what would Eurovision be without partaking in a bit of silly fun alongside the campery (we’ve already had a drag extravaganza, and that wasn’t even at the final!), the pageantry and the many hours of solidarity shown as countries across Europe come together?
Eurovision-inspired drinking games have been a part of the tradition for many years now, almost as much as Graham Norton’s exasperated, brutal commentary (and Sir Terry Wogan’s before him).
So, without dragging this out any longer (who are we, a country’s chosen representative taking too long to read out their jury points?), let’s crack on with the perfect drinking game for tonight’s finale…
During the performances
Okay, there are many, many acts to get through so this will test your endurance. Whatever you’re slurping on, we’ve suggested a very unofficial swig amount for each Eurovision bingo moment below.
Bad joke: one finger
The most inevitable of all the rules. This can be a bad joke from the presenters (although, we dare say the likes of Hannah Waddingham would never stoop so low as to deliver anything other than perfection) or a skit that just doesn’t land.
A host sings: one finger
This will happen. There are three singers presenting tonight – Alesha Dixon, Hannah Waddingham and Ukrainian singer Julia Sanina.
‘It was better in rehearsals’: one finger
Graham Norton will have seen all of the performance in the jury rehearsals, so will inevitably remark that a country was a bit crapper than they were before. Also, take a sip if you utter ‘it was better in the semi-final’.
We get to song nine: two fingers
The late, great Sir Terry Wogan always waited until song nine to have a drink, so it’s time to raise your glass.
Innuendos: one finger
What would Eurovision be without a painfully unsubtle innuendo? Be it from one of the hosts or one of the songs itself, you will be drinking.
Some serious hair: one finger
Sam Ryder might not be representing us this year, but he’s far from the only Eurovision act known for their luscious locks.
Graham compares an artist to a celebrity: two fingers
Maybe it’s an Irish thing, but similar to Louis Walsh’s famous comparisons on The X Factor, where he’d compare someone to a celebrity they bore next to no resemblance with, Graham is often making lofty claims of performers looking like other celebs.
We cannot wait for who he compares tonight.
If you want to mix things up, we also suggest the group take a shot when:
- A song from the Balkan contains the word ‘Balkan’ (apparently something they always do)
- Someone in the audience is shown with a flag face painting
- The rainbow flag is shown
- They deploy a wind machine
- Someone does a costume change mid-song.
During the voting
Right, you’ve made it hours in. If you’re still with us after the first round of drinks, you’re made of sturdy stuff.
The jury votes call for the need for some new drinking rules, and, if history is anything to go by, you might need a drink to get through this portion.
Technical difficulties: one finger
We’ve put a man on the moon, yet getting Estonia to dial in without a delay or awkward silences is beyond the pale.
Catherine Tate appears: Two fingers
Take an extra shot if our official spokesperson tonight, Catherine Tate, deploys a catchphrase from one of her famous sketch show characters.
Graham Norton correctly predicts neighbours swapping douze points: two fingers
Ah, the voting bloc, you never fail to add fuel to the ‘it’s all about politics!’ fire. It’s not real, people, some cultures are just alike!
A spokesperson decides to sing or play an instrument: one finger
Perhaps this should be called the Amanda Holden effect. A minor pop star/singer/actress/actor from our neighbouring countries usually decide to make this their moment. Time restrictions be damned.
The UK gets 12 points: down your drink
We’d normally say this would be a rarity, but after Sam Ryder nearly took us all the way to glory last year – and the fact that we’ve graciously stepped in to host for Ukraine – we might just see some points thrown our way…
Somebody’s gracious face slips: one finger
This, in tribute to 2019 Swedish entry John Lundvik, is bound to happen as the televote points are totted up. Somebody who excels in the jury vote can absolutely tank with the public and immediately rocket down the leaderboard. Cruel? Yes. Funny? Also yes.
Somebody gets nul point (either in the jury or televote): two fingers
It used to be us, but it doesn’t mean it’s always just us.
Germany’s contestant last year, Malik Harris, went home with zero points after failing to rock and/or roll with his Rockstars song.
The UK wins: open a bottle of champagne
It probably won’t happen. But if it does, you want to be prepared.
Eurovision’s grand final starts at 8pm tonight on BBC One and iPlayer
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